First of all, let me start out by saying – this week has been complete shit. Sorry for cursing mom, but sometimes it be like that. I’ve been so freaking hard on myself about losing weight and getting my shit together, that I’ve pretty much been self sabotaging.
Today I got some really horrible family news and I had to leave work because I couldn’t stop crying. I wanted to give up on everything I’d worked for since I moved to South Carolina (which didn’t feel like much) and move back to the nest in Maryland and stay wrapped up in my security blanket til I was old and gray. I went to the store and picked up a devotional that a customer had recommended to me awhile back. I flipped to today’s little piece of prayer and it hit me so hard I lost my breath. It honestly scared the crap out of me, because it was exactly what I needed to hear. I really and truly believe now.
From there, the day took a turn. As I took my nightly salt bath I flipped through the pages of the book I’m currently reading called You Are A Badass. Yeah, I’m 22 and I bought a self help book, get over it. Everyone needs to read this. Seriously.
I had been really doubting myself. Giving up on my workouts, feeling self conscious and constantly down on myself, scared I would fail at what I want to do, scared of being judged for telling others, and just generally being a negative nelly. This book has me feeling like I’m Beyonce and the concept is so simple – what you believe is what you achieve.
Lately I have truly felt like I may have made a mistake by moving to South Carolina. I love my friends and job and home and puppy, but its so far and so different and that is overwhelming and terrifying. There’s no one to hold my hand through life here. Just me, myself, and my puppy. I felt like I hadn’t accomplished much in my life thus far since I didn’t go to a big school or get my degree. For a long time I couldn’t understand why I didn’t do this and now I clearly see why. Honestly, I have accomplished so much in the past year and a half whether it be big or small feats.
I want to become a personal trainer. I want to lose weight and be healthy. I want to be happy. I want to love myself no matter what. I want to inspire others to do the same.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading all my random thoughts thrown together in a post. I hope you go out tomorrow and do something that will change your life for the better – I know I will.